It’s funny how you can see the same thing a thousand times and still not really notice it, until one day, it just stands out and grabs your attention. I don’t know if animal-shaped soap is still a thing but, upon visiting my parents’ house today, there it sat, displayed proudly in the guest bathroom, the swan-carved soap that has never been used. This soap has sat in the dish for what seems like my entire life, has had many a grandchild eye it as they wash their tiny hands, yet even they in their innocence know there’s something about it that’s off limits, that once it’s used it will melt away, never to be seen again. (I wanted to capture a pic of it in case my grandchild is the one who just cant resist).
I’ve rested my tired hands upon my keyboard many a night over the past couple of weeks, eager to write about the events unfolding around me–the good, the bad, the uncertainty that looms all around me — but, unfortunately, exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep before the words come. Tonight, for a brief moment, I’m feeling a spurt of energy, so I’m going to give it a try.
My grandchild is a beautiful 1-year-old baby boy, full of life, who still wonders at the world around him, oblivious to the ugliness that has overtaken his parents. I thank God for his innocence and the gift of his laughter. I love being a grandmother. It’s one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever known, but six months ago everything changed. Six months ago, all the signs and symptoms (son quit his job, dropped out of college, was evicted from his apartment, had his car repoed, alienated himself from his family and close friends — to name just a few) that had been causing me and my family members to raise an eyebrow came to light, all the numbers began to add up and the truth was exposed — my son and his girlfriend got on the radar of CPS, both tested positive for opiates, and I went from being a grandma to being the full-time, voluntary caregiver for my grandson; thus, my exhaustion (albeit joy-laced exhaustion). You see, my nest had long since been empty, and overnight I went from an empty nester to an acting single mom of a then 8-month-old infant, but even worse, from that night on I was now the mom of a heroin addict.
Things change, circumstances change, life changes, but my love for my son will never change. Tonight, I found comfort in that old familiar swan-shaped soap, of all things! It reminds me of years gone by, happier times. Soap–it washes all the dirt away and makes us clean. I pray for cleaner days ahead for my son…